Double Digits!

Y’all

*celebratory jig*

This is the big one-oh, wan-zero…yeah!!! my tenth blog post. I’d like to thank God, my fan, my family, my haters…I’m jess playing.

Thanks Fan, for keeping me cool. (photo credit: Google images)

Thanks Fan, for keeping me cool. (photo credit: Google images)

Thank you all for being here with me and listening to my rhetoric. Especial thanks to Darlene my sister for supporting me from the word go and for Roberta for lighting fire under my ass to get this blog started. Thanks to Ndunge for your long-winded comments…makes a G feel special…this was the purpose of this blog, to start a conversation. Do y’all see how Evelyn be blogging in the comment section tho?! Go read all my posts and her cawments. Thanks to ALL of you who comment. #thugtears

Thanks to those who read but choose to lurk, or talk to me in real life. I appreciate the real life convos BUT the reason I wrote on the blog was not just for me, or for cathartic purposes but to connect with others so, write yo thoughts and comments on the blog too, so that you can also reach others.  I wish that you all can see how important it is to share YOUR experience. It’s beneficial to have a diversity of perspectives and I can only offer MY perspective. We have all seen the detriment of one sided, narrow-minded rhetoric…i.e. HOLLYWOOD. So, let’s talk yo! Let’s conversate (not a real word, who gonna check me?)

And an extra special thank you to Nicolas who is responsible for many of the beautiful photos that you see on my blog!

So tell me. What do y’all wanna hear about next. Matter fact, scratch that…I’m prolly not gonna listen. The better thing to do would be to start your own blogs…I wanna know about y’all more deeply mehn. And there’s nothing like writing to bare the soul. Nawfin! I can’t say that I won’t judge you for your innermost thoughts, but I will say my judgement will come from a place of love.

On that note, I think that fear of judgement has been the biggest stumbling block to me uploading content on my blog (that and laziness). I always wonder just how ‘full disclosure’ I should be? But it won’t be honest of me to polish my stories. Yes, putting an inspirational spin on a dire situation is always wonderful but sometimes you just gotta be raw man. My eighth post was a raw one. *whew*

I love y’all, and I wish y’all all the best in your present and future endeavors. God bless y’all.

♪♫CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE♪♫ ok, it's not the 10th anniversary, it's the tenth blog post. #excited #i'm really doing it guys #celebratelife

♪♫CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE♪♫ ok, it’s not the 10th anniversary, it’s the tenth blog post. #excited #i’m really doing it guys #celebratelife (photo credit: Google images)

What did you do that for?! : Baldheaded Edition

Y’all

*pulls up chair*

This is the first of a three part series of FAQ’s that will deal with hair (or the lack thereof), teetotalism and deleting my facebook account.

So,

December 26th 2006 marked the day that I cut my hair off. I, me, moi (not the hairdresser or barber), cut my hair off. I went into my room, pulled my hair back into the tightest ponytail that I could manage just to make sure that my head wasn’t a funny shape and then SNIP SNIP!

When it was done, the longest section which was towards the front of my head, measured about an inch long. I cut it pretty short.

What did you do that for?!!!

Because I wanted to. Dazzit…that’s it.

I wanted to.

No, I wasn’t cutting off my permed ends, trying to get rid of a relaxer (my hair has never been permed). No, I didn’t have heat damage. No, I wasn’t auditioning for the Halle Berry Biography. I had no socially acceptable reason for cutting my hair. Was I stressed, was I depressed? People kept looking for an excuse for what I thought was a well-thought out, logical decision. My hair takes quite a long time to comb (time that I was most unwilling to dedicate to vanity), it’s hot in Trinidad and I just plain ole WANTED short hair!

I.just.wanted.short.hair.!.

And let me tell you…I looked goooood…I looked dam good. And I felt good too! It was the most confident I had ever been in my life up to that point. Mind you, it’s not only my mirror that confirmed that I was fly…people told me that I looked good, but in the same breath they would ask disapprovingly why I did it. As a result of my decision to cut MY hair, some people cried (I kid you not), others gave me the silent treatment, I got called ‘stupid’, ‘jackass’, ‘crazy’. What?! That’s it?! That’s all I have to do to be considered crazy…cut my hair of??? Ummm, ok. Pat your weave girl.

I’ll never forget, my first day back to school from the Christmas holidays, before I could even get to my class, one of my classmates greeted me at the top of the steps with loud, jeering laughter. She literally stood about three feet in front of me and laughed mockingly to my face! #shorthairisnotfortheweak

It was definitely a turning point in my maturity. I don’t want no beef BUT lemme just point out that some of the same people who rebuked me for cutting my hair off, supported my sister when she cut hers. Why? Because my sister had a socially acceptable excuse: she was cutting off her locks.

To conclude. I have a full head of hair which I love. Tomorrow, I may wake up and decide that Trinidad is too hot for me to be carrying around so much hair. I may cut off my tresses and you know what? You are going to be ok with my decision, for several reasons;

1. It’s not your hair

2. It’s not your body

3. It’s not that serious

Since that ‘drastic’ decision over 6 years ago, I’ve had aunts who TELL me never to cut my hair again. I think the fact that I didn’t ask their permission the first time is not an explicit enough clue that it is not their decision to make.

Let’s hear from Jada Pinkett Smith the actress and mother of two who took to Facebook to post an open letter to the critics of her daughter’s hair, and the end result was a beautifully eloquent letter liberating Willow  (Jada’s daughter) from her hair.

It read:

A letter to a friend…

This subject is old but I have never answered it in its entirety. And even with this post it will remain incomplete.

The question why I would LET Willow cut her hair. First the LET must be challenged. This is a world where women, girls are constantly reminded that they don’t belong to themselves; that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are HER domain. Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It’s also a statement that claims that even little girls have the RIGHT to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother’s deepest insecurities, hopes and desires. Even little girls should not be a slave to the preconceived ideas of what a culture believes a little girl should be.

More to come. Another day.

J

BOOM!

Asha's hair eats her face

If you are still pressed, will you come comb it for me?  (photo credit: Nicolas Rinaldo)

 

Going through it

Y’all

*grabs handkerchief*

I’m really going through it.

Have you ever had the situation where you found it nigh impossible to forgive yourself?

And you replay scenarios in your head again and again,

and wonder what would have happened if you had done something differently?

Not that the present outcome is bad, but you wonder if God had intended better for you?

Like you feel so badly about what you’ve done that you can’t even enjoy the gifts that you’ve been given because you feel like they are tainted by the guilt of your actions. The actions that you felt were responsible for getting getting you these gifts.

(maybe God had always intended to bless me…maybe, maybe, maybe)

And you question yourself….‘Would I still have been given these gifts if my actions were different? If I were obedient to God’s word?’

‘Are these gifts????????’

You’re so torn, because you want to be absolutely certain that even though you’ve sinned in the past, you are making the right decisions now.

You really don’t want to hurt anyone, but you know that you can’t keep compromising your beliefs as you have done in the past.

You’re plagued by the doubt of a question:

‘Can something that was born out of an impure act…be blessed?’

{Editor’s note: Some of y’all got real concerned…which is understandable. Y’allz really love me 🙂 But rest assured that my issue has been resolved and this post was more of an opportunity to vent. God is always good}