Going through it


*grabs handkerchief*

I’m really going through it.

Have you ever had the situation where you found it nigh impossible to forgive yourself?

And you replay scenarios in your head again and again,

and wonder what would have happened if you had done something differently?

Not that the present outcome is bad, but you wonder if God had intended better for you?

Like you feel so badly about what you’ve done that you can’t even enjoy the gifts that you’ve been given because you feel like they are tainted by the guilt of your actions. The actions that you felt were responsible for getting getting you these gifts.

(maybe God had always intended to bless me…maybe, maybe, maybe)

And you question yourself….‘Would I still have been given these gifts if my actions were different? If I were obedient to God’s word?’

‘Are these gifts????????’

You’re so torn, because you want to be absolutely certain that even though you’ve sinned in the past, you are making the right decisions now.

You really don’t want to hurt anyone, but you know that you can’t keep compromising your beliefs as you have done in the past.

You’re plagued by the doubt of a question:

‘Can something that was born out of an impure act…be blessed?’

{Editor’s note: Some of y’all got real concerned…which is understandable. Y’allz really love me 🙂 But rest assured that my issue has been resolved and this post was more of an opportunity to vent. God is always good}